What I’ve Been Noticing - on privilege, gatekeeping, and keeping the door open

I grew up with very little money. There was food on the table, a roof over our heads, some family around us, and good friends, and I didn't fully recognise even those things as a privilege at the time. I was shy, I carried some difficult experiences, and I got poor exam results, so I just about scrambled my way into any university on any course that would take me. But I wanted more for myself, and so I got on with it.

I built a career, worked my way up, and set my sights on becoming a partner at IBM. Then I married a wonderful man, though we had our share of difficulties navigating the particular pressures that come with South Asian expectations around marriage and family. We bought a house, had children, and travelled. Some privileges grew, and others I'd had before quietly fell away, and yet some I only understood properly after motherhood, after perimenopause, after years of trying to navigate systems that are not built equally for everyone.

That's what I keep returning to. Privilege is not fixed; it moves across a life, and we often only see it clearly looking back, or when we suddenly find ourselves without something we'd always taken for granted.

In May, I was at two events — one with the Trouble Club for Katriona O'Sullivan's book Hungry, and one at an Asian Voice event around the theme of "Be the Change." Two very different rooms, but the same thread running through both. Lax Mann spoke about it clearly, and Katriona was direct — if there is one thing you do, use your privilege.

And I sat there nodding, giving silent high fives, then immediately thought, but are we actually doing that? Or are we just worn out, stretched across work, family, health, and everything else, dealing with the stresses of our lives, just trying to keep everything from falling over? Because I think that's the more honest picture for a lot of people right now. And I don't say that as a criticism; I also recognise it in myself. What troubles me is something slightly different: it's the gatekeeping, the clique behaviour I see repeatedly, particularly in health and wellness, where people get into certain rooms and quietly pull the door shut behind them. Where "be the change" starts to sound less like action and more like a membership.

Good healthcare should not depend on being able to afford the right appointment or knowing someone already on the inside. That's partly why I'm thinking carefully about how to build the fifty1percent events outward, so we also reach communities that aren't always part of these conversations, and to make sure this doesn't become another closed circle. The door doesn't need to be flung wide open. It just needs to stay unlocked. If you'd like to help with that, if you have thoughts on how to reach people from lower-income backgrounds or communities where health simply isn't discussed — do get in touch. I'd be very glad to hear from you.